Self-Doubt...but why?

This is a very personal blog and very difficult for me to share. Please bear with me if I ramble around as I do not consider myself a writer.

I was listening to some music today while editing and this song came on and I had chills up and down my spine. This may come as a surprise (or not) with you but I struggle with self-doubt every single day. Failure as an artist, a father, my health, my business, as a husband, brother, grandfather and son. I tell myself each day that I am better than this and sometimes believe it, but I start over each morning with the same feelings of self doubt and feelings of never being good enough. It seems like you struggle and struggle to get over one hurdle just to find another in your way just around the bend.

Earlier this year I was working on my Positivity Project and posed for images of myself and then exposed myself up to the world by posting these images. I wrote a blog back in September releasing the images and talking about my struggles with my weight and body image issues. It was very liberating releasing the images and receiving the positive comments and support for the project.

It is my daily struggle to come to terms with my self-doubt issues and be able to as the song celebrates our rise to the top and the ability to not think about and worry about what others think or say about me. We may never be able to completely forget or ignore that nagging little voice, but maybe we can be overcomes in life and rise above it. But when I look around I see just how lucky I am.

Below I just wanted to post some pictures of my family taken at Thanksgiving. These are the people that I live and breathe for. These are also the ones that love me no matter what I think or feel about myself. When can I learn to love myself like they do? Maybe one day….

Love you all ~ken

Doubt

lyrics ~Mary J. Blige

You said I'd never be a leader
You said I'd never wear a crown
If I wanted to be someone
I should learn to settle down

I tell myself
(You'll never go further) I warn myself
(You'll never be better) Don't know me that well

I made it to the end
I nearly paid the cost
I lost a lot of friends
I sacrificed a lot
I'd do it all again
'Cause I made it to the top
But I can't keep doubting myself anymore

No! No
I can't keep doubting myself no

Now you're looking at a leader
Now you're staring at a queen
You said I'll never be someone
But now I'm pulling all the strings

Won't let me back down
(You'll never go further) Can't turn me around
(You'll never be better) So no-one's stopping me now

I made it to the end
I nearly paid the cost
I lost a lot of friends
I sacrificed a lot
I'd do it all again
'Cause I made it to the top
I can't keep doubting myself anymore

No! No, no, no, no, oh no no, oh no

You think you know
But you don't know the half
You think you beat me down
But I'll have the last laugh
I'll keep getting up
'Cause that's what I'm gonna do yea
I'm gonna be the best me
Sorry if it kills you

I made it to the end
I nearly paid the cost
I lost a lot of friends
I sacrificed a lot
I'd do it all again
'Cause I made it to the top
But I can't keep doubting myself anymore
No, oh no no no no,
I can't keep doubting myself no, no no oh no oh no oh no

My family, Thanksgiving 2019.